For Jonas and I, the holidays this year were a big time of travel to see not just one family - as it had been for most of our lives - but instead both our families. Last year we had already been to Texas in October and opted to spend Christmas with my family in Iowa. Having already spent Thanksgiving with my family this year, we headed down to Texas for a lengthy 6 day period of time. Flying into Dallas, we saw his extended family for lunch, including his brother's recent fiancée (they are adorable together). Then we headed back to the homestead east of Dallas.
This holiday at Jonas' parents' place was a big deal for us and, overall, it was a big step forward over the last time we visited their household. Last time we came down for holidays was Thanksgiving in 2008. Jonas had been told we couldn't touch (period) while in sight of his parents (particularly his mom, for whom it might have initiated another bout of tears, which were quite common in those days); we didn't feel free to use affectionate language; most interactions seemed a bit awkward and always tinged with "I wish the homewrecker weren't wrecking our previously 'perfect' family life"; we couldn't share a bedroom, even though bunkbeds allowed us to sleep in separate beds. Granted, these things range from minor inconveniences to moderate discomforts. But holidays are the time of year to relax, get comfortable, and be yourself. With all the worrying about not getting close enough to touch or slipping and saying the word "honey" or "baby", there wasn't much relaxing that holiday. (Though I did learn how to play 42.)
This time was different. We could touch in front of the family and there was no crying. We could say most anything we felt like saying without being worried. And we got to stay together in a cabin on the property (and no, this wasn't a bad cabin ... it was like staying in my apartment in fact. And just to show how nice the cabin was, his parents stayed in the one right next to us for the first part of the trip, while the main house was fully occupied).
Practically a night and day difference, at least from our standpoint! Was it perfect? No. Especially with his seminary-trained brother who dropped a bombshell right as we were leaving for Austin (subject of a future post). But I can see that the bargaining that went on over the last six months (yes, Jonas has been in "negotiations" since about June/July) really paid off. And their efforts did a lot to further endear myself to his parents.
(Day 572)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Recruiting ... no, not that kind
This post is not about about gays recruiting. Rather, it's about recruiting the gays.
In particular, it's about Northrup Grumman recruiting gays on campus. Our local oSTEM chapter was contacted by Northrup Grumman and asked if they could give a job talk (complete with free food, yum!). The 8pm talk consisted of two company representatives, one of whom was gay and involved in their company ERG (Employee Resource Group) devoted to LGBT issues, the other was an ally who said he attended the LGBT ERG because of his gay son. During the Q&A session, I asked specifically about their LGBT company policy, how it has changed while they have been employed at Northrup Grumman, and whether that policy is implemented or if it's just a talking point. They pointed out that Northrup Grumman has earned a perfect 100 on the HRC corporate equality index (CEI), which I later confirmed is true both for the 2009 and 2010 CEI ratings. They offer domestic partner benefits (unlike my husband's company, which rates only 75 on the 2010 CEI, albeit up from 55 on the 2009 CEI), as well as every other category tracked by the CEI. Apparently many (seven!) vice presidents of Northrup went to a conference on LGBT work issues along with numerous employees. Most telling, they said that though we would love to think Northrup made the change out of a sense of humanity, it really did so out of a necessity to recruit the best labor force for its company; yes, it made business sense to offer LGBT workplace rights and guarantees. Finally, they said the policy is implemented on the ground, that though there may be "haters" (their word, not mine), those people no longer have any company support and in some instances could be reprimanded. I was glad to hear this is now an entrenched corporate policy supported by the majority of its employees.
What I find particularly delicious about the whole situation is that the third largest defense contractor for the U.S. military is actively recruiting gays to produce machinery, electronics, and systems for the same military that would kick them out under Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT). Oh when will will get rid of DADT and not depend on gays to simply invent and manufacture our death rays?
(Day 528)
In particular, it's about Northrup Grumman recruiting gays on campus. Our local oSTEM chapter was contacted by Northrup Grumman and asked if they could give a job talk (complete with free food, yum!). The 8pm talk consisted of two company representatives, one of whom was gay and involved in their company ERG (Employee Resource Group) devoted to LGBT issues, the other was an ally who said he attended the LGBT ERG because of his gay son. During the Q&A session, I asked specifically about their LGBT company policy, how it has changed while they have been employed at Northrup Grumman, and whether that policy is implemented or if it's just a talking point. They pointed out that Northrup Grumman has earned a perfect 100 on the HRC corporate equality index (CEI), which I later confirmed is true both for the 2009 and 2010 CEI ratings. They offer domestic partner benefits (unlike my husband's company, which rates only 75 on the 2010 CEI, albeit up from 55 on the 2009 CEI), as well as every other category tracked by the CEI. Apparently many (seven!) vice presidents of Northrup went to a conference on LGBT work issues along with numerous employees. Most telling, they said that though we would love to think Northrup made the change out of a sense of humanity, it really did so out of a necessity to recruit the best labor force for its company; yes, it made business sense to offer LGBT workplace rights and guarantees. Finally, they said the policy is implemented on the ground, that though there may be "haters" (their word, not mine), those people no longer have any company support and in some instances could be reprimanded. I was glad to hear this is now an entrenched corporate policy supported by the majority of its employees.
What I find particularly delicious about the whole situation is that the third largest defense contractor for the U.S. military is actively recruiting gays to produce machinery, electronics, and systems for the same military that would kick them out under Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT). Oh when will will get rid of DADT and not depend on gays to simply invent and manufacture our death rays?
(Day 528)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Demography and Gay Marriage
A friend sent a link today that graphically represents how demography influences the recent votes on gay marriage. Please visit sociological images to see the graph.
A few things that stuck out to me:
1) A lot of places where gay marriage and/or strong civil unions exist have the highest rates of public acceptances. This includes
Massachusetts (#1, gay marriage)
Vermont (#2, gay marriage)
Connecticut (#4, gay marriage)
New Hampshire (#5, gay marriage)
Maine (#6, gay marriage passed by legislature, voted down with Prop 1)
California (#7, gay marriage passed by court, voted down with Prop 8)
Washington (#8, civil unions just affirmed by referendum)
2) Iowa is pretty far down the list (about mid-way down). The overall score of support is ~40%. If gay marriage was not passed at the ballot box in Maine (where support was nominally ~50%), then Iowa certainly wouldn't pass it. My only consolation at this point is that it won't end up on the ballot for a few more years, and even then it might not be put up for a vote.
3) Demography will change this issue, even if people don't change their minds. The young of today will be the old of tomorrow. The old of today will not vote tomorrow. The data points will steadily march rightward to the higher acceptance percentages.
4) If we need to rely on demography, gay marriage has made most of the gains that are possible at this time. Sure, my list above shows that Rhode Island could pass civil unions and/or gay marriage and it would likely stick at the ballot box. But otherwise, no other regions now have majority public support for gay marriage. Ready for a long wait?
(Day 514)
A few things that stuck out to me:
1) A lot of places where gay marriage and/or strong civil unions exist have the highest rates of public acceptances. This includes
Massachusetts (#1, gay marriage)
Vermont (#2, gay marriage)
Connecticut (#4, gay marriage)
New Hampshire (#5, gay marriage)
Maine (#6, gay marriage passed by legislature, voted down with Prop 1)
California (#7, gay marriage passed by court, voted down with Prop 8)
Washington (#8, civil unions just affirmed by referendum)
2) Iowa is pretty far down the list (about mid-way down). The overall score of support is ~40%. If gay marriage was not passed at the ballot box in Maine (where support was nominally ~50%), then Iowa certainly wouldn't pass it. My only consolation at this point is that it won't end up on the ballot for a few more years, and even then it might not be put up for a vote.
3) Demography will change this issue, even if people don't change their minds. The young of today will be the old of tomorrow. The old of today will not vote tomorrow. The data points will steadily march rightward to the higher acceptance percentages.
4) If we need to rely on demography, gay marriage has made most of the gains that are possible at this time. Sure, my list above shows that Rhode Island could pass civil unions and/or gay marriage and it would likely stick at the ballot box. But otherwise, no other regions now have majority public support for gay marriage. Ready for a long wait?
(Day 514)
The hilarity continues
About every other week my husband and I get some awkward comments from people passing us by. This weekend was by far one of the more hilarious and quotable ones. Please visit my husband's post on it for the details.
(Day 514)
(Day 514)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Boodle
Each couple, as they grow closer together, seem to develop a language specific to their relationship. For some people, it is baby talk. For others, it is sarcasm. For even others, it's strange pet names.
Jonas and I have developed our language over a few years now. The first edition was primarily focused on Strong Bad phrases and intonations from homestarrunner.com. Yes, it sounds weird, but it's true. We both loved Homestar Runner and somehow (through no conscious choice of our own) it became a facet of our daily communications.
Though by no means gone from our vocabulary, Strong Bad has now taken a backseat to our newest love phrase: the boodle. Yep, the boodle. Many times this will be a string of boodles in a row, such as "boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle!" Or sometimes just a single exclamatory "BOODLE!" Many phone conversations no longer begin with a "hey!", but rather a "boodle!" But the best use of the boodle has recently been as I'm falling asleep during the week and wishing he were here in my arms, rather than 2 hours away, I begin rolling around in bed and boodling aloud, wishing he were there to watch and then pounce on me in the bed.
Strange? Yes. But I must admit, I loooooove the boodles!
(Day 495)
Jonas and I have developed our language over a few years now. The first edition was primarily focused on Strong Bad phrases and intonations from homestarrunner.com. Yes, it sounds weird, but it's true. We both loved Homestar Runner and somehow (through no conscious choice of our own) it became a facet of our daily communications.
Though by no means gone from our vocabulary, Strong Bad has now taken a backseat to our newest love phrase: the boodle. Yep, the boodle. Many times this will be a string of boodles in a row, such as "boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle boodle!" Or sometimes just a single exclamatory "BOODLE!" Many phone conversations no longer begin with a "hey!", but rather a "boodle!" But the best use of the boodle has recently been as I'm falling asleep during the week and wishing he were here in my arms, rather than 2 hours away, I begin rolling around in bed and boodling aloud, wishing he were there to watch and then pounce on me in the bed.
Strange? Yes. But I must admit, I loooooove the boodles!
(Day 495)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Volunteering ... success!
As an update to the last post, this morning my husband and I were able to volunteer to help keep the same-sex marriage law in Maine. The whole thing was quite new to both of us, as neither of us had ever before volunteered for a campaign before.
First, there was the training to do calls. We logged into a conference call and simultaneously saw a webcast of how to make the calls. Very slick interface, very easy to understand. We could see how it is a system used by many campaigns, all the way from local politicians to state-wide campaigns like this one. Aah, the legacy of telemarketing :-)
But then came the calling. I must admit, we were both quite nervous about the calling. I personally have a hate-hate relationship with phones. If I have any other option of communication, I choose it before I choose the phone. But in the end, we both sat down and began to make some calls. Many were ones where nobody answered, some were people who hate telemarketers (which I completely understand), and a small handful were people who actually cared. In the end, we had a small impact, but one that was on the whole helpful, and enlightening about how the entire process works for a winning campaign. Or what we certainly hope will be a winning campaign!
(Day 470)
First, there was the training to do calls. We logged into a conference call and simultaneously saw a webcast of how to make the calls. Very slick interface, very easy to understand. We could see how it is a system used by many campaigns, all the way from local politicians to state-wide campaigns like this one. Aah, the legacy of telemarketing :-)
But then came the calling. I must admit, we were both quite nervous about the calling. I personally have a hate-hate relationship with phones. If I have any other option of communication, I choose it before I choose the phone. But in the end, we both sat down and began to make some calls. Many were ones where nobody answered, some were people who hate telemarketers (which I completely understand), and a small handful were people who actually cared. In the end, we had a small impact, but one that was on the whole helpful, and enlightening about how the entire process works for a winning campaign. Or what we certainly hope will be a winning campaign!
(Day 470)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Volunteering ... delayed
Today HRC sent out an email, asking for people to help make phone calls for a prominent pro-gay marriage outfit in Maine. The idea is to raise support and knowledge about the upcoming ballot measure, which the Yes side is trying to have succeed in taking away the right of marriage for gays.
My husband suggested we do the calling this weekend, so we signed up for a training session tonight. And then we waited for an email with instructions to come.
Then we waited some more.
And waited.
And ... waited.
The email never came. I've emailed them for a later training. But my hope is this is just a fluke and we're able to end up helping. I just had flashbacks to when Pomoprophet was turned away from helping defeat Prop 8 in California, and we all know how that turned out.
(Day 467)
My husband suggested we do the calling this weekend, so we signed up for a training session tonight. And then we waited for an email with instructions to come.
Then we waited some more.
And waited.
And ... waited.
The email never came. I've emailed them for a later training. But my hope is this is just a fluke and we're able to end up helping. I just had flashbacks to when Pomoprophet was turned away from helping defeat Prop 8 in California, and we all know how that turned out.
(Day 467)
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